The Words (part one)

her mother would say the words so often that it almost became her exhale. exhausting their power with frequent repetition.

her father would skim over the words like a little boy skips stones over a wide, glassy bed of water. he infused them with humor, an uncomfortable utterance.

today the kids are nonchalant with the words. they use them when someone did them a favor, got them out of a sticky situation… they use them to pay homage to food, technology and other material deities. “oh my GOD… (insert words here in valley girl voice!)”

she honors the words though she’s used them a plenty, she bears their flag with honor, holds a space for their depth in every molecule of her essence. she prays and makes sacrifices to their divinity…

once she said the words first to a man. only once. yet he couldn’t find the courage to reply…. he withheld the words like . yet she needs the words. the words give her peace. if the world ends tomorrow would he wish he said them? she wonders. she wants to retract the vulnerable, accented words because she’s so exposed now… uncovered heart beating. but it’s too late now. she can only hope that one day he’ll return her sentiment.

free flow recollection: Burning Man 2012.

An epic wonderland adventure. Off the grid vibe. Post apocalyptic. Exponentially Creative people. Multisexual beings causing my gaydar to be off. Giant teeth art car. Geometric massive shapes. Tetas of every shape/size/dimension/contortion/makeup. Dick with your breakfast? Cockrings! Naked bike rides. Halloween meets carnival meets Vegas meets wonderland meets outer space. Creative costuming. Robots. Temples. Metaphysical inspiration. Alex Grey. Where does your art come from? What is the message? Daniel Pinchbeck. Is monogamy or polygamy evolved? How do you feel about technology integrating within us? How does the media coordinate behavior? The “rebel hipster” disempowers us cause even the rebel is marketed. Exploring sacred plants with intention, consciously and with purpose. TV creates a trance like state, makes us believe that violence is normal. Darkness is given a role and positivity/light is the leader. Negative consequences of things we once thought positive. Spiritual work while dreaming. Crop circles. Beam a thought into someone’s head. Electromagnetic interventions. Free Japanese noodles- jump to head of the line if u sumo wrestle. Gift giving. Love. Affection. Shrooms. Connection. Understanding. Energy. Clarity. Release of all you’ve been repressing. Spirits. Purpose. Loyalty. Nastiest toilets in the history of man. Future. Beginnings. Longing. Affection. Soul mates. Chemistry. Drawn to each other like magnets. Goggles. Bandanas. Glow gear. Playa feet. Dancing. Debauchery. Dark and the light. Crass. Crazy. Obscene. Pure. Purposeful Yoga. Cliché yoga. Playa hair. Performing on a bike powered stage. Polenta cakes. Free Vietnamese iced coffee. More nakedness. Girls on silks mesmerize. The beautiful harpist makes me sleep. Drum band. Reverbia live music camp. Rosario Dawson. Burn the man. Fireworks. Sacred temple. Love potion camp. He recommended the bed. Transcendental downloads. Salsa dancing. Stripper pole. Orgy tent (didn’t go in). Foosball. Make a 3 minute call anywhere in the world. Pussy juice (the cocktail). LSD. Outdoor showers. Grey water. Giant swing set. Janky sound system. Massive dust storms. Nature as a book of signs. Darker vibe on the weekend. Too much techno. Where the other genres at? Amazing playful art car! Ride on the top. Free cocktails. Spin around. Use the slide to exit. Heart to hearts with friends. Forgiveness. Tribe. Faux fur. Beautiful sunsets. People going insane in the best way. Take it with a grain of dust. Conscious art. Destiny of the planet. Using psychedelics to understand ourselves and others. I heard him ask, How is it that people can get a tattoo which is a lifetime commitment but can’t manage to stay in a committed relationship? She answers, Because a tattoo is looking at the outside of u while a relationship is looking at the inside of u. Damn! Animalistic. Divinity. What’s the truth? Walk through craziness and dust storms and insanity to find home. He’s my home? Evolution. I have your back. Loyalty. SURRENDER. A woman of the desert. Then it was time to get the fuck out. Every artist should cum come here at least once. Fire dancers. Aerialists. All ages. Mostly whites. No commerce unless you want an iced coffee/chai tea or hot chocolate at center camp. No tv. No phones. No computers. Dust storms create viejos. White out. Freedom. Belonging. Open mindedness. Open mindlessness. Culture shock upon return. Alternative to the maxxx. I might have to go to Venice beach or melrose once a week to get my freak fixxx. Mad max! Sex on blast. Think in new ways. Money is bullshit. Society’s unspoken rules are bollocks. Fearless self-expression.

photo by Andre de Santanna

The unsung heroes

The unsung heroes
ironically
are the musicians.
No, not the soldiers at war
in their masses
playing out the archetype
like a worn out pop record.

It’s the musicians
who rise quietly
late in the morning with the
the world pointing at them, yelling
slackers!
theives!

They leave their lovers
still warm in the bed,
saturate bitter coffee
with dark sugar
and take up their instruments
to their hot mouths
in their calloused hands
against sky swelling chests
and cradled in arms
and do
what they must do
or else die.

Their own survival at stake, sometimes they forget about you
and when they lay down their clothes
and walk into the sound
they keep forgetting you until,
the sound consuming them -
all abandoned house afire-
they become every
one
and every
thing.

They are the re member ers
for us all
putting our arms and legs
and heads back on
particularly
after the soldiers
come marching
home

when
and
if
they
do.

poem by my beautiful friend Jen Ziel Klewitz

2 universes

2 universes collide and they become one

taught each other to sing in their native tounges

love transcension beyond galaxies and outer space

the rings of his planet held her in place

he said i love every molecule of you

even your imperfections cause baby that’s your truth

she said with you i feel infinite

now i’m seeing in colors that before didn’t exist

now everything is more beautiful

cause this entanglement is multidimensional

their love challenged the world’s perception,

innovated love’s metaphysical expression,

he spoke to her in melodies and rhythm

and she’d blanket herself warm and deep within them

 

soft glow of ELECTRIC sex

between the dark and the light / the RAW within the divine / encompassing all / within it myself i find  / it’s the miseducation / ENDLESS exploration / from the sharing of the soul / to the itching of a scratch / it’s life’s intimate creation / or 2 bodies meeting when wasted / they give it away like it’s nothing / or cling to it till documents are signed / sell it to the highest bidder / or seduce it with red red wine / monogamist / polygamist / CONTORTIONIST / they contort it to mean / but it’s the most NATURAL thing / self pleasure / group elation / orgy / masturbation / celibacy / something he don’t need / gay / straight / bi / NOTHING I WON’T TRY / he’s so big makes the young girls cry / she used it to make herself feel loved / didn’t know she was being disrespected / she was just trying to get CONNECTED / it feels so good / get high from it / get high from it / i glow from it / i KNOW from it / he goes from it / already wanting more / light surrounds / animalistic sounds / black lace and i’m bound / hallucinate in the round / hot heat he’s found / in my dreams we get down / the colors, the colors they glow / tell u shhhhhit no one knows / in TANTRA we grow / drip wet overflow / ELECTRIC magnetic / line between the dark and the divine / parallel universes to find in the way we unite….

a lil puerto rican girl from the south

a lil puerto rican girl from the south

sometimes i don’t know when 2 shut my mouth

yeah but i said what u were thinkin

yeah and i’d say it even if i wasn’t drinking

arroz con pollo and biscuits n gravy

sweet talking fiesty silly cutie sexy baby

yes or no but never feelin maybe

yes i’m insane, but it’s the good kind of crazy!

platanos and mac and cheese

open minded ready to get down to please

met this sexy brazilian to my heart he has the keys

did some ayahuasca now clearly i can see

there’s the truth vibrating in u and me

i believe in authenticity deeply

i know that u can reach the stars

talents from ur soul that’ll take u far

we all have means to channel the divine

fearlessness in the way we shine

i know it’s my destiny from my heart to sing songs

inspire the masses my whole life long

your rhythm

your rhythm makes me dance in the language of the world – body beat connection penetrating to my core-earthquakes of energetic pulsations, an electric demonstration-finding elation within your skin. again and again and again and again- i gain… new understanding, new concepts…mathematical equations are solved in the geometric positions our bodies create. when you gave me that look, i knew it was too late and that this was our fate. exploration of thought in a parallel universe..past lives reunited, this feeling requited, and yes i tried to fight it but your rhythm is strong and i feel it when i walk. and it’s hitting hard, my innermost thoughts… i love the way your eyes drink me in. the fucking would be spiritual so it couldn’t be a sin. sexual healing like the marvin gaye song, so wake up/wake up/wake up/wake up, let’s go all night long, ride your rhythm into the blissful dawn. the frequency i vibrate on captivates. your swagger unparalleled. we resonate. my eyes change colors from golden blue to grey, depending on the reflections of the words you say. sometimes i wonder if your eyes say what you feel.. how deep are the lines between fantasy and what’s real? i put u under a microscope to better comprehend.. but despite the lenses and the light, there’s just no making sense. there’s something warm and familiar about you like my favorite shirt and i just wanna put you on… hold u close. know u deep. without remorse. sometimes with u it’s as if i don’t exist. like i’m way down our your list.  and the rain check may never come cause we’re in southern california where there’s always lots of sun. so i’m just gonna keep singing my song… and dancing to your rhythm. body beat connection penetrating to my core-earthquakes of energetic pulsations, an electric demonstration-finding elation within your skin. again and again and again and again…

i sang him a song

i sang him a song but he didn’t listen deeply.

i called out to him but he didn’t respond clearly.

i danced for him but he didn’t watch closely.

i wrote him some lines but he wouldn’t read them lovingly.

i looked in his eyes but he wouldn’t meet my gaze with intensity.

i gave up a man who loved me but he couldn’t rid himself of women that never cared for him and disrespected we.

i took the time to cook him a meal but he inhaled it quickly.

i offered myself to him and he ravaged me but without connection.

i declared my love for him to the world but when it came to the world he didn’t have my back.

i created years for him but he would not give me a day.

i expressed my concerns like a broken record. over and over and over…. till i was about over it. the needle broke. i grew exhausted and drained to the point where i would have out of body experiences looking down on myself acting insane. crying so many tears of unrequited love… starvation… till i could barely recapture those feelings of love’s elation… how to change the situation?…i know there’s adoration but life’s too fleeting to live on rations of passion…and when passion is the air you breathe; it’s a necessity to life. so what do u do when he has your heart?  u can flip it in your head this way and that. this way and that. zig-zag rationalizing over analyzing. but i know love is the only nourishment that truly feeds. meditate. get on your prayer mat. what comes next? there’s no relationship if u can’t relate to me deeply, if u can’t recognize me in all my splendor and express my light to the sun. i’ve removed all masks. i’ve removed all clothes. i’m naked. i’ve shown you all of me-deepest darkest insecurities turned goddess of love beauty music and ecstasy. what will become of us??

i sang to him and he was moved profoundly.

i called out to him and he replied conscientiously.

i danced for him and he became my drum.

i wrote him lines and he authored me a sonnet.

i looked in his eyes and saw God staring back.

i gave up a man who loved me and he exiled  women of negativity.

i cooked for him and he savored every flavor with gratitude.

i offered myself to him and we became one.

i declared my love for him to the world and he expressively showed the world that i was his world.

i created years for him and he promised me lifetimes…

i.n.l.o.v.e.

today i went to the beach with my love… and i was thinking of the craziness that love is… and how it’s the strangest things that we appreciate about the people we love… like today, dre used his hands to create a sun-dial to see what time it was… (i believe this came from his boy scout days)… i love that! it was the most amazing thing i’ve ever seen him do.  and in the car on the way home we were listening to Salt-n-Pepa’s “Push It” and he was like “listen…listen to the cow bell… that’s what makes the song sexy.” lol!!!!! those are the things that years from now i’ll look back on and smile. or the other day when i had all my jewelry out on the counter that i had worn the night before and he turned the pieces artistically into a smiley face… or the times when i’m sad and he’ll slow dance with me to no music. nothing is perfect. no one is perfect. but love is perfect.. even within the imperfection of us as human beings… our love is perfect.

“i love u the way billie bends her notes- fearlessly… and with loving intention, i gaze at u the way stevie sees music… and with feeling in amazement of ur genius, i dream of u in a level of consciousness that the enlightened monk meditated for years to find… my heart recognized ur soul and it was love at 1st encounter...” from my diary date unknown…

manifestation, music, snowflakes, and hummingbirds

the fall is coming. i have yet 2 feel the chill. i’m taking off supernova style to places only found in dreams. i’m studying in the school of manifestation and i’m an honors student. i’m eradicating all fears. i’m requiring belief in myself and the stream of well being. i sang my baby into existence and i will dance as she grows tan hermosa…su voz su mensaje dentro su musica. i’ve connected electricity in the form of our hearts. no one will come between us. we’ll never be apart. u are the most intricate and beautiful snowflake i’ve ever tasted on the tip of my tongue and if u listen closely i’ll whisper the secrets of yemanja. let’s bloom into a garden of paradise. the hummingbirds adorned me with their blessings. so todo es posible en musica, en amor, y en vida…

found this in my diary from last year dated… 10.5.08