free flow recollection: Burning Man 2012.

An epic wonderland adventure. Off the grid vibe. Post apocalyptic. Exponentially Creative people. Multisexual beings causing my gaydar to be off. Giant teeth art car. Geometric massive shapes. Tetas of every shape/size/dimension/contortion/makeup. Dick with your breakfast? Cockrings! Naked bike rides. Halloween meets carnival meets Vegas meets wonderland meets outer space. Creative costuming. Robots. Temples. Metaphysical inspiration. Alex Grey. Where does your art come from? What is the message? Daniel Pinchbeck. Is monogamy or polygamy evolved? How do you feel about technology integrating within us? How does the media coordinate behavior? The “rebel hipster” disempowers us cause even the rebel is marketed. Exploring sacred plants with intention, consciously and with purpose. TV creates a trance like state, makes us believe that violence is normal. Darkness is given a role and positivity/light is the leader. Negative consequences of things we once thought positive. Spiritual work while dreaming. Crop circles. Beam a thought into someone’s head. Electromagnetic interventions. Free Japanese noodles- jump to head of the line if u sumo wrestle. Gift giving. Love. Affection. Shrooms. Connection. Understanding. Energy. Clarity. Release of all you’ve been repressing. Spirits. Purpose. Loyalty. Nastiest toilets in the history of man. Future. Beginnings. Longing. Affection. Soul mates. Chemistry. Drawn to each other like magnets. Goggles. Bandanas. Glow gear. Playa feet. Dancing. Debauchery. Dark and the light. Crass. Crazy. Obscene. Pure. Purposeful Yoga. Cliché yoga. Playa hair. Performing on a bike powered stage. Polenta cakes. Free Vietnamese iced coffee. More nakedness. Girls on silks mesmerize. The beautiful harpist makes me sleep. Drum band. Reverbia live music camp. Rosario Dawson. Burn the man. Fireworks. Sacred temple. Love potion camp. He recommended the bed. Transcendental downloads. Salsa dancing. Stripper pole. Orgy tent (didn’t go in). Foosball. Make a 3 minute call anywhere in the world. Pussy juice (the cocktail). LSD. Outdoor showers. Grey water. Giant swing set. Janky sound system. Massive dust storms. Nature as a book of signs. Darker vibe on the weekend. Too much techno. Where the other genres at? Amazing playful art car! Ride on the top. Free cocktails. Spin around. Use the slide to exit. Heart to hearts with friends. Forgiveness. Tribe. Faux fur. Beautiful sunsets. People going insane in the best way. Take it with a grain of dust. Conscious art. Destiny of the planet. Using psychedelics to understand ourselves and others. I heard him ask, How is it that people can get a tattoo which is a lifetime commitment but can’t manage to stay in a committed relationship? She answers, Because a tattoo is looking at the outside of u while a relationship is looking at the inside of u. Damn! Animalistic. Divinity. What’s the truth? Walk through craziness and dust storms and insanity to find home. He’s my home? Evolution. I have your back. Loyalty. SURRENDER. A woman of the desert. Then it was time to get the fuck out. Every artist should cum come here at least once. Fire dancers. Aerialists. All ages. Mostly whites. No commerce unless you want an iced coffee/chai tea or hot chocolate at center camp. No tv. No phones. No computers. Dust storms create viejos. White out. Freedom. Belonging. Open mindedness. Open mindlessness. Culture shock upon return. Alternative to the maxxx. I might have to go to Venice beach or melrose once a week to get my freak fixxx. Mad max! Sex on blast. Think in new ways. Money is bullshit. Society’s unspoken rules are bollocks. Fearless self-expression.

photo by Andre de Santanna

we are naked in such a beautiful way

it’s strange having my own space again… i have a closet again where i can put my shoes (they were in my car trunk perviously, or smashed underneath various tools/cases/cables/wires)…i can walk around naked again (even my boyfriend is like “damn you are really always naked now”)… i can take a bubble bath (the last place of residence wasn’t conducive to taking long leisurely baths- too many people for one bathroom you know…) and now i can have super loud sex again (without having to be muffled)… liberation!!! i almost feel like a guest in someone’s home and they’ll be home any minute now… lol. i’m setting mood lighting just for myself… using the dimmers to their fullest capacity. it’s lovely…it’s beautiful… and it’s quiet…

during my relaxing bath i took out all my old journals and it made for some good reading… i learned so much about myself… how i’ve evolved and where i still have yet to grow as an individual and within my relationships… everyone should keep some written account of their lives-it’s fascinating… we really are creating out own story…our legacy… and too often we forget those truly magnificent, precious, rare moments. i read in one journal a memory that brought tears to my eyes. i was recalling the love of an ex boyfriend who wrote at an interactive museum exhibit at LACMA  ”Andree is eternal love, light, passion, manifestation of God on Earth”… i read my deepest thoughts on my current relationship and how things have changed and what has stayed the same… i read my musical doubts and fears and hopes and goals… and it reminded me even more of what i want in my life and how i’m getting there… i found so many poems and song ideas… it was like finding little crazy written treasures of knowledge or inspiration within each journal of my bizarre calligraphy. 

this reflection helped to clear my head a bit… so much is on my mind and heart lately… about what is true in our world. about authenticity in people especially in the city of LA… about communication… honesty… what is saying too much… i’ve always felt i should speak my truth to my fullest capacity… that by speaking my truth i was free… and though we may feel super exposed and vulnerable by this type of honesty it liberates us energetically in ways we don’t even comprehend. we are naked in such a beautiful way. i think people are generally one way or the other… they typically are outspoken or keep mostly to themselves- rarely have i met someone in between…there is a downside to sometimes speaking ones truth… u might feel embarrassment, shame, guilt, confusion, rejected, judged or sad… but i think those feelings stem not from speaking our truth but having  expectations of how others should react to our truth…another lesson i learned from my girl anessah…sometimes i don’t have to fully expose myself- my inner most thoughts/dreams/feelings to everyone i care about… 1-sometimes it can be selfish behavior in that they don’t want to know/they are better off not knowing and 2-some people aren’t deserving of knowing the depths of us… i’m almost too open… i even had a man that works with energy tell me that i put my energy out like 20 feet in front of me… that i need to almost contain what i’m radiating a bit more… it’s about balance.  last night at the doheny, the door man and i got into a great conversation about being an artist and the importance of vulnerability – he brought it up actually… and he said, “it’s courageous to be vulnerable” and i took it as a sign that it was good for me to expose myself (i need not be so hard on myself for being so open and be as honest as i am)… i am brave for speaking my truth fearlessly… though i do now feel that  though it’s beautiful to be exposed and have this nakedness of our truest feelings but sometimes we have to be aware who we’re naked around or just be naked without caring of the consequences… but that seems a bit irresponsible?