the 4 f’s: freedom, fun, focus, and fuck it!

“every now and then say ‘what the fuck,’ what the fuck gives you freedom, freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future…” -risky business….

what the fuck is a more aggressive form of detachment, at least in my mind… as we all know, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy… self-sabotaging fools…. and yes it is brilliant to be enthusiastic but sometimes it’s our detachment from something we desire that brings it to us… almost magically… it’s as if the space created allows the desire to breathe and grow and flourish…. isn’t if funny how we get the audition we’re not so hung up on… or the guy… or whatever it is we overly covet… when we’re not sweating it so hard!?!

i was talking to my girls sharmila and aneesah about this today… about how with our dreams yes we have to focus to achieve but we also need to keep things fun… (or u almost forget why you’re doing it… because u LOVE it!… nothing brings u more joy!)… and we also have to keep an element of freedom in our creating  the lives our dreams (this freedom makes us limitless…and open to infinite possibilities/directions/ideas/inspiration)… but now i’m thinking of adding a little bit of detachment to my situation… a little bit of “fuck it”…

what lives and what dies

today i visited with Dr. Wolf and she said something of such value to me…”what lives is what we put our energy into.” when we decide to put energy into our dreams, our friendships, our love relationships, ourselves, or whatever else we value- those are the things that flourish… but for some of us it’s difficult to take an honest account of how much of our energy we are exerting towards the things that we want in our lives… we have to be honest with ourselves… what is truly important? and are we giving energy to what we value?

 

 

 

we are naked in such a beautiful way

it’s strange having my own space again… i have a closet again where i can put my shoes (they were in my car trunk perviously, or smashed underneath various tools/cases/cables/wires)…i can walk around naked again (even my boyfriend is like “damn you are really always naked now”)… i can take a bubble bath (the last place of residence wasn’t conducive to taking long leisurely baths- too many people for one bathroom you know…) and now i can have super loud sex again (without having to be muffled)… liberation!!! i almost feel like a guest in someone’s home and they’ll be home any minute now… lol. i’m setting mood lighting just for myself… using the dimmers to their fullest capacity. it’s lovely…it’s beautiful… and it’s quiet…

during my relaxing bath i took out all my old journals and it made for some good reading… i learned so much about myself… how i’ve evolved and where i still have yet to grow as an individual and within my relationships… everyone should keep some written account of their lives-it’s fascinating… we really are creating out own story…our legacy… and too often we forget those truly magnificent, precious, rare moments. i read in one journal a memory that brought tears to my eyes. i was recalling the love of an ex boyfriend who wrote at an interactive museum exhibit at LACMA  ”Andree is eternal love, light, passion, manifestation of God on Earth”… i read my deepest thoughts on my current relationship and how things have changed and what has stayed the same… i read my musical doubts and fears and hopes and goals… and it reminded me even more of what i want in my life and how i’m getting there… i found so many poems and song ideas… it was like finding little crazy written treasures of knowledge or inspiration within each journal of my bizarre calligraphy. 

this reflection helped to clear my head a bit… so much is on my mind and heart lately… about what is true in our world. about authenticity in people especially in the city of LA… about communication… honesty… what is saying too much… i’ve always felt i should speak my truth to my fullest capacity… that by speaking my truth i was free… and though we may feel super exposed and vulnerable by this type of honesty it liberates us energetically in ways we don’t even comprehend. we are naked in such a beautiful way. i think people are generally one way or the other… they typically are outspoken or keep mostly to themselves- rarely have i met someone in between…there is a downside to sometimes speaking ones truth… u might feel embarrassment, shame, guilt, confusion, rejected, judged or sad… but i think those feelings stem not from speaking our truth but having  expectations of how others should react to our truth…another lesson i learned from my girl anessah…sometimes i don’t have to fully expose myself- my inner most thoughts/dreams/feelings to everyone i care about… 1-sometimes it can be selfish behavior in that they don’t want to know/they are better off not knowing and 2-some people aren’t deserving of knowing the depths of us… i’m almost too open… i even had a man that works with energy tell me that i put my energy out like 20 feet in front of me… that i need to almost contain what i’m radiating a bit more… it’s about balance.  last night at the doheny, the door man and i got into a great conversation about being an artist and the importance of vulnerability – he brought it up actually… and he said, “it’s courageous to be vulnerable” and i took it as a sign that it was good for me to expose myself (i need not be so hard on myself for being so open and be as honest as i am)… i am brave for speaking my truth fearlessly… though i do now feel that  though it’s beautiful to be exposed and have this nakedness of our truest feelings but sometimes we have to be aware who we’re naked around or just be naked without caring of the consequences… but that seems a bit irresponsible?

Be fearless, be humble, give LOVE in all you do!!! My interview! :)

After doing the interviews with the band for the album release show week, Dre had the brilliant idea of me answering my own interview questions… 

-what’s your 1^st musical memory?

Singing and dancing to Miami Sound Machine’s “Conga.” I thought I was Gloria in my living room!

 

-what’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened while you are on stage?

I haven’t really done that many shows… I guess the craziest thing was our album release show! The energy was crazy! There was so much love in the room. It was a good crazy! 

 

-what’s your ultimate dream in music?

My musical intention on my site sums it up beautifully: to inspire adventure, creativity, and the inner artist- to give praise, to heal, to manifest love, to allow you to feel your own truth and power through my voice, to make music that evokes emotion, thought, mood, and passion, to connect with others on levels they didn’t even know existed within themselves, or simply to create something that you can shake your ass to…

 

-if you weren’t doing music what would you be doing?

I would be the next Oprah! Lol! Seriously I’d do the things I already do but in a grander way- dance, write poetry, inspire others to live their dreams…. 

 

-songs that changed your life…

Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On,” it’s soulful AND conscious… Donny Hathaway’s version of “A Song for You…” Ella Fitzgerald singing live “Mack the Knife”-I’ve never heard another singer use her voice as an instrument the way she does… Oh there’s too many… 

 

-most influential artists to you and why?

Prince (his music is beyond sexy), Erykah Badu and Jill Scott-soulful/poetic/conscious writers and singers- I adore them!, Nina Simone/Billie Holiday/Ella- their unique interpretation of the lyric, their tone, their phrasing…. Bjork-she’s innovative, takes risks, she’s her own entity…Chaka Khan is fierce… Stevie Wonder-such an incredible song writer… I love Yerba Buena- how they fuse so many genres with Latin music. James Brown- I saw him live-puts on such incredibly electric performances, so funky. I could go on and on and on….

 

-what makes an amazing song?

A song that makes you feel deeply…

 

-what’s your theme song?

I wish it was Hendrix’s “Foxy Lady” lol! But at the moment I’m more Gnarls Barkley “Crazy!” lol! I don’t know. It changes. You tell me! 

 

-do you have musical nickname?

Not a musical one, but my nickname is Bella.

 

-what song were you most likely conceived to?

My parents were into jazz… hmm… but then again I was conceived in the Caribbean… so…

 

-first concert you ever went to?

New Kids on the Block… but I’ve redeemed myself by going to incredible shows ever since I promise!!!

 

-first album u ever bought?

I would just borrow from my parents they had a great collection.. the first single I bought was TLC’s “Ain’t too Proud to Beg!”

 

-how can we revolutionize music? 

By creating music that is true to who we are. By exposing ourselves to music that is not just mainstream.

 

-indie or major (what’s the way to go?)

After interning at 2 major labels in college, I really don’t think that most labels do very much. They have the connections that CAN catapult an artist to stardom but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they will. An artist can get their album shelved even if they are signed…or if the album is released they might not get the funding/attention/marketing to get it to the masses… I’d love to be free of all that… autonomous like Prince. He’s revolutionary as a music business man as well… But if I was offered an amazing deal I would be open to the possibilities…

 

-what inspires you musically?

Reading something inspiring, exposing myself to new things, having adventures, my community of amazing musicians, artists with something unique to express, love, passion, dancing, altered states (occasionally), spirit, growth…

 

-what can an artist do (that you’re backing) to make your job easy and fun?

Well I’ve done backing vocals… and usually back ground singers are the least respected in the band it seems. So just showing respect. As a singer- don’t be afraid to let your back ground singers shine and be who they are – there’s enough room for everyone. I’ve been lucky with the performers I’ve worked with. 

 

-what’s your favorite song from the album?

“Moments” or “Te Necesito” are probably my favorites. They are poetic and intimate and sensual. I love what “Variety Pack” is about- it’s a sexy female empowerment song! “Discombobulator” is so out and funky…. and I love the vibe of “Overflow.” But for some reason my bond is strongest with “Moments” and “Te Necesito.”

 

-advice for up and coming players?

Be fearless! Be humble! Give love in all you do!

 

-what do you hope for the show?

I wanted to elevate the room with LOVE and inspiration! And we succeeded! It was a beautiful first show!!! 

detours to our dreams and lessons learned

our dreams often don’t unfold the way we planned… we can envision our dream becoming a reality, work towards our dream diligently, and trust that the universe (or God) will make everything align and still the dream doesn’t SEEM to come into fruition… but i believe we should dare to adjust our perception and think perhaps this is just a detour, a lesson to be learned before our dream comes true… and perhaps our dream might come true in an even grander way… there are INFINITE POSSIBILITES!!!!…   

now that the album is in the completion phase, i can reflect and see the detours to my dreams and the lessons i’ve learned…. here’s the cliffs notes version on the reflection of how i’ve arrived to where i am today…..i grew up singing, knowing this is what i wanted to do… i loved growing up in North Carolina but was super focused on going to NYC after high school to pursue music. unfortunately, i was discouraged by many to go to a place so big where i would be swallowed up by heathens or something like that…so i ended up staying in NC and going to study opera for 2 years at UNCG… (detour: Greensboro, NC) (lesson learned: don’t let anyone tell you where/how you should live your life)… my music education was valuable and i made some great friendships yet i didn’t really get a sense of the music business in the small town of Greensboro… fortunately, my uncle mario heard me sing at my mom’s wedding and encouraged me to come to LA to sing and live with him there. so july 4, 2001, i left to drive across country to explore this other world (because it IS another world)… the first year here i sang back up gigs, made a pop demo (that was supposed to consist of  music i wrote but ended up being butchered, over processed, and unauthentic) (lesson learned: make music that truly represents who you are and what you’re about)… also, my dad stopped talking to me i think (i’m still not sure) because he was upset that i was dropping out of school-though i never said i was dropping out it was more of a break really- after a year of adjustment to LA, i ended up going to USC’s School of Music and studying jazz (much more fitting for my love of freedom and improvisation in music)… unfortunately, because i had a jealous, insecure boyfriend i didn’t gig that much- he was very threatened by me collaborating with others (lesson learned: don’t let others hold you back from living your dream- it they’re trying to hold you back they don’t really know how to love you)… also, i was working in a burlesque / gentleman’s club to pay for the other half of my tuition that wasn’t covered with grants…(so many lessons learned there – see my blog on empowerment through our sexuality)… not a very healthy environment… after school i took yet another 2 year detour (i didn’t know how to really go for it… and i was scared)… (detour: The William Morris Agency). after learning a ridiculous amount about the music business (my boss was amazing enough to let me sit in on all the meetings with these music biz geniuses), i still found myself unhappy on the business side of things and not doing what i was meant to be doing- SINGING damn it! (lesson learned: sometimes we have to take detours to gain information that will later help us excel in our dreams!!!). so i did some spiritual work (i need many blogs to express the spiritual work i did and am still doing), i read countless books one called “feel the fear and do it anyway” (i know -bad title but good book for me at the time), i reread “the alchemist” (the book that made me believe in signs and influenced my big move to LA in the first place), also took in “the power of the subconscious mind” and absorbed many, many other books… i’m a queen of inspirational reads- i can send you a list just email me … things shifted. i transformed. (well i’m still transforming!) then i just went for it! i even reached out to musicians way beyond my echelon for advice, guidance, and connections. why not? what did i have to lose? (lesson learned: always aim to surround yourself with people that know more than you do in order to grow)… and from reaching out to Prince’s keyboard player, who didn’t have time to produce my record as he was on tour with Prince, i was connected with the super talented Andre De Sant’anna who produced and co-wrote M.U.S.I.C. with me  (a dream come true), which has been the last 2 years of my life (along with way too much for this blog – that’s more bio material 40 years from now)… And out of our musical collaboration a deep love flourished… (lessons learned: our dreams sometimes are intertwined (a dream of love and music), sometimes they don’t come true in the way we expect them to, and sometimes they unfold grander than we imagined)…

now to dream a bigger dream

M.U.S.I.C. Update!!!!

I am beyond happy to say that my debut album M.U.S.I.C. (Magnificent Unique Sexy Intelligent Creativity) is about to come forth into the world!!! We are officially finished tracking! The musicians on the album are f!*$ing phenomenal! I’m incredibly blessed that they added their brilliance to our project. Dre (the co-writer to my dreams) is starting to mix the album next week! The album will then be mastered and pressed and released in early July!!!! Aaahhhhhhh I’m so excited that I’m going to burst musical deliciousness all over this post (and all over your ears soon)!!!!