adventures in guerrilla marketing, nursing vs. singing and friends are the family we choose

2 make some extra dinero for my trip to europe i manifested a beautiful gig doing promo work with the ultimate hustler that i’ll call “Boston”… i visit various locations with mi jefe (who despite the tough accent, is the BIGGEST sweetheart and so so so much fun). this promo work is teaching me so much…about how people respond to your energy/body language/vocal tone even more than i previously knew or imagined… when i accent certain words to certain people they are more likely to interact with me and take the flyer or talk with me about what i’m promoting…  for example people that are thicker respond more when i accent the word “taste” or people that are dressed in really nice clothing or have fancy jewelry are more responsive when i accent the words “beverly hills” …. of course this seems so simple to marketing heads but it’s new to me to be in it…. experimenting different ways to  spark interest… also, people like when you match their energy….if they are polite and quiet they appreciate the same… if they are outgoing and gregarious they typically dig that as well…  if they are in a chill mood they appreciate the same versus someone being up in their face… it’s a good thing i have a talent for reading people and their energy and this is helping me to develop this skill further… i could go on… i got to meet some very interesting people as well… one was a photographer that “liked my look” and gave me his card- he’s super legit and shoots amazing artists in such a gorgeously creative way! i’m excited to see what we can create!

the last gig Boston called me for was giving away balloons to promote a band at an electronica concert. except i didn’t realize how guerrilla street style this promo would be…. Boston sets up the helium tank on the street (outside of the venue) with the box of balloons and strings to tie the balloons and scissors and we just go to work… i was thinking how funny it was that we were all college educated getting paid to give away balloons to promote a band... i mean it’s pretty good money, great interaction with mostly very nice people…but  best of all i enjoy it…because i’m FREE. i’m not making money working in an office. i’m not confined to one place. i make my own schedule and everyday is different and crazy and an adventure... the kids going to this concert were wearing the most insane, naughty, bizarre outfits ever. they were very sweet, friendly and somewhat lost. this amazing girl (who couldn’t bring in bracelets she made because the authorities thought she might be hiding drugs in the beads) gave me the radest hello kitty bracelet just because… i didn’t realize though how many people do drugs- almost everyone who walked by asked us if it was nitrous (instead of helium) in the tank cause they wanted to get high! the cops eventually made us close up shop for whatever reason… so we just moved to around the corner. i’m getting better at dealing with the authorities knowing what to say and how to get out of things because with a lot of this kind of work it can be kind of… what’s the word…semi-illegal? i have such a distaste for our system and it’s quite amusing for me to try to get around it.

also, this week has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life because the for the last 10 days i’ve been taking care of my love. it’s heart breaking seeing someone u love with all of your being go through pain… i was only too happy though to have been his full time nurse… i would do anything and everything to care for my beautiful man. and going through this makes me appreciate him even more… but i must say nurses have it hard!!! it is a lot of work! and with homeopathic healing it’s even more work because treatment sometimes needs to be done every 15 minutes versus every few hours or so… it’s exhausting. i’m ready for my love to be on the mend! and it seems like he is now! yay! so we can get our party on in Paris! through this whole intense ordeal… my friends have been amazing… proving once again that friends are the family we choose. i don’t know what i would’ve done without sharmila, julia, and aneesah checking in on me, calling, coming over, offering love/support/food/comfort/medical contacts/laughter etc. even my girls from back east were there for me- oshana, carla, noelle… i am so blessed! and juanita with her wisdom, generosity and love was amazing through this tumultuous time…. i hope the cycle of madness is ending … no fuck that! it IS ending! i’m ready to transition from nursing back into singing! and speaking of singing we have our last show till the fall at Nics in Beverly Hills this Friday night 9:30-1am. rocking the mic will be therapeutic! i need it! i’m ready to give myself fully to the moment. sending u love and beautiful adventures and FREEDOM!!!! besos!

my hello kitty bracelet

your rhythm

your rhythm makes me dance in the language of the world – body beat connection penetrating to my core-earthquakes of energetic pulsations, an electric demonstration-finding elation within your skin. again and again and again and again- i gain… new understanding, new concepts…mathematical equations are solved in the geometric positions our bodies create. when you gave me that look, i knew it was too late and that this was our fate. exploration of thought in a parallel universe..past lives reunited, this feeling requited, and yes i tried to fight it but your rhythm is strong and i feel it when i walk. and it’s hitting hard, my innermost thoughts… i love the way your eyes drink me in. the fucking would be spiritual so it couldn’t be a sin. sexual healing like the marvin gaye song, so wake up/wake up/wake up/wake up, let’s go all night long, ride your rhythm into the blissful dawn. the frequency i vibrate on captivates. your swagger unparalleled. we resonate. my eyes change colors from golden blue to grey, depending on the reflections of the words you say. sometimes i wonder if your eyes say what you feel.. how deep are the lines between fantasy and what’s real? i put u under a microscope to better comprehend.. but despite the lenses and the light, there’s just no making sense. there’s something warm and familiar about you like my favorite shirt and i just wanna put you on… hold u close. know u deep. without remorse. sometimes with u it’s as if i don’t exist. like i’m way down our your list.  and the rain check may never come cause we’re in southern california where there’s always lots of sun. so i’m just gonna keep singing my song… and dancing to your rhythm. body beat connection penetrating to my core-earthquakes of energetic pulsations, an electric demonstration-finding elation within your skin. again and again and again and again…

Be yourself and liberate the world

i received the message… no more holding back world… i’m going full force… i thought that i was already was in full effect… but alas the signs are telling me otherwise… that i’m STILL holding back from being the fullest expression of myself….of course we are always evolving… but i mean being BOLD musically .. today i had a voice lesson with dannielle gaha that made me elated… she is an absolute musical goddess. flawless. soulful. filled with love. and this vocal angel told me that i have so much voice i’m not using… and though i’ve felt this way before.. hearing this from a woman i admire so much struck a chord with me… i have so much to give! and i need to give it! fully. completely. 

today when talking with one of the guys from the band, bryan, i started sharing with him a story of the 1st time i wrote a song and played it for my dad ….my friend cyrous who i met in govenor’s school played guitar and we started writing this song together…after i was finished singing my first song to my dad, i asked my father what he thought and he said “what do you want me to say dree, i’ve heard 1000s of songs”…  not that my father had to say “you are such an incredible singer. i love your song” but maybe he could’ve said… “that’s a great start to writing songs.”…it was just that his tone was so condescending, demeaning even…. it scarred me in such a way that i didn’t complete another song for 9 years (until i met dre)… i got so emotional sharing this story, tears began to fall down my face and i realized it’s STILL effecting me… my father’s words… bryan tried to reassure me, saying because of what i’ve been through with my dad that i’m at a whole other level where people just can’t even fuck with me, that i’m strong now…and i am strong.. but i thought today.. wow- i really let that hold me back…. i’ve known this already but revisiting this memory and finding such emotion… made me realize i still am holding myself back… that i have room to grow in the fullest expression of my creativity… that i don’t have to withhold all this creativity for fear of not being good enough…and maybe this withholding is why sometimes i feel like i’m going to burst if i don’t sing or i feel like i can’t breathe if i can’t create…

the universe is telling me through those around me that i am more powerful than i thought and i need to be BOLD…bold in who i am…bold in my music and in my voice… so i’m vowing to fully “break the funk out this box” i put myself in… and be completely BOLD in my self-expression.. 

“Pebble to a Pearl” by Nikka Costa

Baby girl too shy to shine
Let everybody else take the light
Didn’t want to burn too bright
So she kept it all inside

Little girl go beat your drum
Go and see what all you can become
Playin’ small don’t serve no one
Face your fears and you will overcome

‘Cause the tears that we been cryin’
Been workin’ overtime

It’s about time that we got our joyful
That we got our joyful on

Don’t be afraid to live out loud
Never squash who you are be proud
You’re a universal sound
Whatcha gotta say, say it loud

Baby don’t ya act demure
So nobody else feels insecure
Be yourself and liberate the world
Don’t ya be a pebble be a pearl

detours to our dreams and lessons learned

our dreams often don’t unfold the way we planned… we can envision our dream becoming a reality, work towards our dream diligently, and trust that the universe (or God) will make everything align and still the dream doesn’t SEEM to come into fruition… but i believe we should dare to adjust our perception and think perhaps this is just a detour, a lesson to be learned before our dream comes true… and perhaps our dream might come true in an even grander way… there are INFINITE POSSIBILITES!!!!…   

now that the album is in the completion phase, i can reflect and see the detours to my dreams and the lessons i’ve learned…. here’s the cliffs notes version on the reflection of how i’ve arrived to where i am today…..i grew up singing, knowing this is what i wanted to do… i loved growing up in North Carolina but was super focused on going to NYC after high school to pursue music. unfortunately, i was discouraged by many to go to a place so big where i would be swallowed up by heathens or something like that…so i ended up staying in NC and going to study opera for 2 years at UNCG… (detour: Greensboro, NC) (lesson learned: don’t let anyone tell you where/how you should live your life)… my music education was valuable and i made some great friendships yet i didn’t really get a sense of the music business in the small town of Greensboro… fortunately, my uncle mario heard me sing at my mom’s wedding and encouraged me to come to LA to sing and live with him there. so july 4, 2001, i left to drive across country to explore this other world (because it IS another world)… the first year here i sang back up gigs, made a pop demo (that was supposed to consist of  music i wrote but ended up being butchered, over processed, and unauthentic) (lesson learned: make music that truly represents who you are and what you’re about)… also, my dad stopped talking to me i think (i’m still not sure) because he was upset that i was dropping out of school-though i never said i was dropping out it was more of a break really- after a year of adjustment to LA, i ended up going to USC’s School of Music and studying jazz (much more fitting for my love of freedom and improvisation in music)… unfortunately, because i had a jealous, insecure boyfriend i didn’t gig that much- he was very threatened by me collaborating with others (lesson learned: don’t let others hold you back from living your dream- it they’re trying to hold you back they don’t really know how to love you)… also, i was working in a burlesque / gentleman’s club to pay for the other half of my tuition that wasn’t covered with grants…(so many lessons learned there – see my blog on empowerment through our sexuality)… not a very healthy environment… after school i took yet another 2 year detour (i didn’t know how to really go for it… and i was scared)… (detour: The William Morris Agency). after learning a ridiculous amount about the music business (my boss was amazing enough to let me sit in on all the meetings with these music biz geniuses), i still found myself unhappy on the business side of things and not doing what i was meant to be doing- SINGING damn it! (lesson learned: sometimes we have to take detours to gain information that will later help us excel in our dreams!!!). so i did some spiritual work (i need many blogs to express the spiritual work i did and am still doing), i read countless books one called “feel the fear and do it anyway” (i know -bad title but good book for me at the time), i reread “the alchemist” (the book that made me believe in signs and influenced my big move to LA in the first place), also took in “the power of the subconscious mind” and absorbed many, many other books… i’m a queen of inspirational reads- i can send you a list just email me … things shifted. i transformed. (well i’m still transforming!) then i just went for it! i even reached out to musicians way beyond my echelon for advice, guidance, and connections. why not? what did i have to lose? (lesson learned: always aim to surround yourself with people that know more than you do in order to grow)… and from reaching out to Prince’s keyboard player, who didn’t have time to produce my record as he was on tour with Prince, i was connected with the super talented Andre De Sant’anna who produced and co-wrote M.U.S.I.C. with me  (a dream come true), which has been the last 2 years of my life (along with way too much for this blog – that’s more bio material 40 years from now)… And out of our musical collaboration a deep love flourished… (lessons learned: our dreams sometimes are intertwined (a dream of love and music), sometimes they don’t come true in the way we expect them to, and sometimes they unfold grander than we imagined)…

now to dream a bigger dream

my life

i want my life to be poetry

that doesn’t rhyme

honest

and free in form,

the words of my life-

elegant and vulgar,

the rhythm of the words dance

to music of my native land

with passion and fervor

singing a hymn of praise

to all that is sacred