random thoughts on the sacred marriage

To be honest with you, marriage used to freak me out a bit… maybe because of witnessing my parents’ dysfunctional marriage.. or the fact that I truly perceive marriage as a forever commitment and the most influential woman in my life, my mother, has been married 3 times in her life… or perhaps because it seems amazing to me that two people can choose to live their whole entire lives together and keep growing and learning and loving and fighting and living and being…together… it’s just such a beautifully massive commitment…or maybe i was brainwashed by the media…the American perception of marriage is so f*cked…more often than not it seems the wedding is more important than the marriage… a plastic couple on top of a cake, and a dress, and check the box for steak or fish…and all too often the cinema (a massive force in our perception) views the bond as imprisonment, stale and passionless… and i LIVE for passion… but truly i believe that this sacred union can live and flourish in passion and love… partly because i’m an extreme romantic and partly because i’ve seen it in real life! -with my aunt and uncle, who are a true example of a sacred marriage… the way they love and work and flirt and make time and support and honor and grow with each other is beautiful! Now because i’m in a serious relationship and i’m of a certain age… people start asking “when are YOU getting married???” Marriage is a beautiful union but I’m enjoying where I am right now… I know girlfriends that are feeling that pressure of making that commitment or feel that they should be married or engaged or in a serious relationship, but truly everyone has their own path and there is beauty and fun and lessons in each situation-married, engaged, single, in a relationship.. wherever you’re at… oh and i’ve found that the best answer for couples that keep getting that probing ? of when they’re getting married is “I’m just enjoying being in love.” Don’t let anyone influence your path or what you know is right for you. I digress… In the current book I’m reading Aphrodite’s Daughters I love the way Bonheim explores the sacred marriage… “As a form of spiritual practice, relationship practice engages and transforms the ego more radically than any other discipline.” I find it interesting that she claims marriage is becoming even more a spiritual union than before, “our marriages are less simple and secure than those of our mothers and grandmothers. What people like us are trying to do has never been done. Certainly our parents were not trying to achieve that level of honesty and consciousness and intimacy. We are pioneers. I feel guided by a force greater than ourselves, as if the planet were asking for this. We are evolving toward greater realization….Today, spiritual evolution is no longer the privilege and intention of a tiny minority. Our species is poised to leap into a new level of consciousness, it is affecting us in a major way and even changing the function of our marriages.” Interesting…

And then she explores what it takes to keep this union together… “Before committing to marriage, we might ask ourselves no only whether we love and trust the person, but also questions such as ‘Do I see the god in him/her? Can I see beyond his/her most infuriating personality traits to the sacred depths of his/her soul? Does he/she honor and evoke the goddess in me?‘ Even when our initial answer is yes, sustaining this vision over the years usually demands a tremendous amount of inner and outer transformation. Often married couples fail to realize how much attention and nurturance the sacred, transpersonal dimensions of a relationship require to stay alive. When a deep passion comes our way, it appears to have such a strong life of its own that we easily forget what a fragile, tender flower it actually is. Once planted in the soil of everyday life, it will wither and die unless we nurture it with constant and careful attention. The daily routines and the inevitable compromises and the resentments that build up can wear away that passionate spark. In a long-term marriage the trick is to keep that wild, undomesticated aspect alive.” I love the idea of marriage being an ADVENTURE!!!

The author also touches on the importance of sexuality in this sacred bond… “Like mediation and prayer, marriage is a time-honored path of transformation, a way of transcending our narrow, ego based identity and developing compassion. However, the difficulties of this path can be so great that even soul mates might eventually give up in despair, were it not for the aching sweetness of their sexual passion for each other. Sexuality is the glue that keeps the lovers together, the sweet carrot that keeps them going when things get rough. When passion endures over a lifetime, we can be assured that the relationship answers to a deep need of the soul.” Sexy and sacred. I love that!

wishing you many adventures in love…

photo by Megan Finley (www.meganfinley.com)

Photo by Megan Finley

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5 thoughts on “random thoughts on the sacred marriage

  1. km says:

    i love this “Do I see the god in him/her? Can I see beyond his/her most infuriating personality traits to the sacred depths of his/her soul? Does he/she honor and evoke the goddess in me?” – that’s the question in every relationship. if we can go past our ego and see past the ego of the other in our relationship, there’s no end to the distance we can take each other in love!


  2. Those thoughts are hardly random!

    It’s true, our generation faces marriage in a different light than our parents and grandparents. We have high ideals, all the while seeking an independence that stands strong with or without a partner.

    Yes, our generation might find itself getting more divorces…which is easily tracked. But we might discover successful marriages that are more healthy and beneficial than those of old-fashioned structure. This is much harder to measure!

  3. megan says:

    bravo darling. excellent post! and excellent choice of photo. I like that one a lot. AND you posted this on that particular bride’s birthday. interesting. 🙂

  4. andreebelle says:

    awesome comments!! thanks for sharing friends! 🙂

    and megan that’s so interesting that the post was on the bride’s bday! i love coincidences… they’re so mysterious 🙂

  5. The duchess says:

    I like this, and agree with one posters comment above that while we may experience divorce, which is unfortunate, perhaps in a wag it means we’re on to something good here too in our quest for a spiritual & healthy marriage. As a person who is divorced I can say I took my marriage very seriously, not just as a wedding or plastic commitment, but sometimes who we are as young women changes & when your spouse is unable or unwilling to grow with you, the split can end up being the best thing for both – but also very hard. It was the most difficult & devastating & ” adult” decision i’ve ever made. Now all I have is hope that a spiritual union exists for me too!

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