everything that’s good within me comes from my mother

i remember when my parents first got divorced, to survive my mother worked 4 jobs: the standard 9-5 at Westinghouse, she sold nu-skin, did real estate on the weekends and at night, and sang in a cover band for a little extra cash. she’s the kind of person that if you compliment something of hers she’ll offer to give it to you. she will seriously give you the last dollar in her pocket. if i ever needed anything, she’d find a means to make it happen. her generosity knows no bounds… it’s quite amazing how thoughtful, kind, open and giving she is especially considering what she’s been through.

my mother endured physical and verbal abuse, and multiple infidelities by my father… i remember the cops coming to my house a few times during my childhood… things got ugly and dark and violent… yet she somehow always radiated such a loving energy and light. not that she’s perfect, as no one is perfect. i think sometimes she almost loved my father too much or perhaps herself not enough with how she held onto the relationship… but she IS this beautiful force. an example of strength and love. my mother taught me to see the best in people.  even the good in my father-his brilliance, his creativity, his work ethic, his talent and humor. she helped me to find the love, light, and lessons in the complexities of life.

sometimes she would help me find the lesson with a beating… yes i got hit with belts, a phone, or whatever else was in my mom’s hand when she was upset and rightfully so (i was a little bad ass child- in middle school especially)… the summer after 6th grade i started smoking and stole cigarettes from the market… after my mom discovered this, i remember her making me go the manager and admit through tears my crime and return the open package of cigarettes… pretty soon after i stopped smoking… i also recall her finding out i was staying at a boyfriend’s house when i said i was somewhere else and her pulling me out of his house by my hair and driving down the street at 90 mph on the way home, beyond livid… perhaps physical violence wasn’t the BEST way to handle these situations but i appreciate my mother being so tough with me. she didn’t play around when it came to me acting right. no matter what happened she always expressed so much love for me, always… with what i witnessed as a child i could’ve turned out very differently. instead of  getting into serious trouble, i flipped the script and became a straight A student and super involved in school… i don’t know if that would’ve happened if my mother didn’t love me as much as she did.

other wonderful things about her…she has great manners which she also inspired in me. we are grateful and express it often. she truly appreciates nature in way that i’m just starting to… she calls me everytime she sees a deer in her back yard and describes it’s beautiful nature so lovingly. she is one with the earth. though she’s surrounded in the conservativeness of the south, i know a bit of hippie still resides within her. she loves art and food and throwing parties and dancing and music. she’s a beautiful singer. she taught me that singing is all about singing from your soul. she doesn’t even comprehend how people sing for other reasons… it’s all about the love….she wears her heart on her sleeve. she has such a refreshing honesty and genuine sweetness. she radiates! she’s like a mini version of the sun, with all that light within her. my favorite moments are when she lets herself shine to her fullest capacity.

oh and did i mention that she is absolutely gorgeous- she has golden flawless skin, green/blue eyes that sparkle with warmth and sometimes mischief, the longest legs in the world, she’s curvy, has perfectly wavy hair (not like my out of control waves lol), and she could seriously be a hand model…. oh and she has the perfect eye brows that she’s never once had to pluck, as well as the world’s most adorable nose…

i love that my mother supported me in finding my own way of being spiritual… i think she’s the only catholic i know that believes that reincarnation is a possibility. my mother believes that God is man. i believe God transcends having a sex. but she is cool with me believing how i believe. and we both value having a spiritual connection in the love that we share.

my mother encouraged me to take a stand against racism and sexism which i appreciate. though she now says i can be too “extreme” or “radical” with my platforms. but i love that she first inspired that within me. and i think she still has some of that radicalness within her…

other random love thoughts… she believes it’s this differences in people that makes us all beautiful. she appreciates perspective. my mother is so sweet sometimes that people don’t realize how intelligent and deep she can be. she can get philosopical. i miss talking with her. i hate that we live 3,000 miles away. i hate that i only saw her twice last year. i need to hurry up and become a superstar so i can buy her a beautiful little house in santa barbara so i can see her more… i digress…

i could go on and on with how wonderful she is… there are so many little special things about her that a blog can’t do her magnificence justice…

mama if u read this (i know you’re not into going online that much) i want you to know that you mean the world to me. your beauty, your depth, your heart, your strength inspire me. everything that is good within me comes from you. i love you.

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3 thoughts on “everything that’s good within me comes from my mother

  1. Anjani says:

    Lucky mama, and lucky you!

    xoxo
    Anjani

  2. Josie Brown says:

    WOWOWOW! This is so HEARTFELT. SO BEAUTIFUL.

    HAHA! U li’l brat, ya! Glad U grew up! Everyone has their growing pains. That goes for both mothers and their children. We aren’t given a manual, we don’t take a course. It’s just trial by error. You two can’t love each other any more than you do, and it shows in the total affection you have for each other.

    And some day, you’ll be a great mom, too.

    I can’t wait.

    xxxx Aunt J

  3. Oshana says:

    I love your MOM soooooo much!! I love her thinking and the way she taught you to be a strong, hardworking, caring woman. You definitely get your outward beauty from her; but what is more important, your inner beauty comes from her and that radiates much brighter than your outward appearance. I am sooo blessed to call you sister and your mom, Mom too!!!! LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!!

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