the ex-factor, HOT HOT heat, SERIAL monogamist, THE ONE?

there’s always something. he’s passionate and affectionate, loving and loyal yet no drive. then you find one with drive yet he’s so driven he can’t make time for you. or you find one who can make time for you but then he’s not affectionate. or you find one that has the right balance of drive and affection and follow through but then there’s no chemistry. then there’s the one where all there is is chemistry, that HOT HOT heat and not much else. i can make that last for about 8 months max… if it’s really hot… there’s a multitude of combinations, likes and dislikes, wants/needs… at the end of the day we have to access what are our deal breakers. i mean i know there’s not one PERFECT person. but i do believe there is that one PERFECTLY IMPERFECT person for us all... so damn let’s get this right this time. 😉

as a self-confessed serial monogamist (see track 5 on The Soft Glow of Electric Sex), I have had my share of relationships. I’ve actually been in 5 two year relationships! that’s 10 years of serious novios. and my current love i’ve been with for 5 years! that’s 15 years of serious dating. and not including a few lovers that lasted 6-8 months… i started young, my first boyfriend was in elementary school.  he gave me a right said fred “i’m too sexy” cassette single for my bday.

as long as i can remember, i have always had some sort of love interest… that’s kind of crazy. even my mini in between periods of  not having a boyfriend were filled with someone. “male attention i can’t repress” – i’m making fun of myself in “serial monogamist” but it’s true! it’s kind of hard to be a single girl. it takes work to refuse a bombardment of offers. and that’s not being conceited, that’s just being a woman….  ladies get offers. we can be in the post office, the bank, the grocery store, the dentist, walking down a random street…. it’s ridic! in all honesty, my history is that when i’m single i go a bit crazy with the attention… and unfortunately (or fortunately) the best remedy i’ve found is: “I have a boyfriend.” thus i became a serial monogamist.

 when i LOVE i go DEEP. i give my all… “cook clean and screw till i’m spent and blue.”  i will go to the moon and beyond for the one i love. the only difference between the me now and the me 9 years ago is it’s now for a man that is worth my energy and time. after much heart break, introspection, even abuse endured and overcome, i’m now finally SOLID in who i am, my worth, my needs, my gifts, my desires and honoring myself. progress!

BUT i think the space between one relationship and the next is needed. it gives you time to access and clear your mind and heal your heart and understand so that you can not make the same mistakes and repeat the same patterns in your next relationship. however, as human beings that want to connect with others this is hard to do… and as a super passionate female this is really hard to do… honestly, i don’t think i really gave myself that space or time, which isn’t very healthy… not that it replaces that time/space but i feel good that i have done my homework in reading, studying, reflection, writing, counciling and spiritual work to have learned a good deal about myself and relationships. i encourage everyone to do that homework. perhaps,the world would be a more loving and harmonious place.

no matter the time or space between relationships though, it’s never easy with the opposite sex. yesterday i saw “Celeste and Jesse Forever,” a great flick. Rashida Jones’ character is asked by a younger female, “when you get older does it become easier with men?” and she responds honestly, “no, it doesn’t get easier with men, but we (as women) become better.” i love that. so with all of this experience… all the lessons learned… how do you know when you’ve met the ONE?…i believe in my soul that you will share with THE ONE a profound multifaceted connection and unparalleled passion, and most importantly when you find that person that you are entirely COMMITTED to growing with him or her, you are promising to a never-ending exploration and to rediscovering that person..

what do u think?

check out “Serial Monogamist” from The Soft Glow of Electric Sex here: Serial Monogamist

Photo: Piper Ferguson. Make-up: Sweet P Vaughn. Hair: Roberta Inez Romero. Styled: Cindy Trevino.

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