a love story. part 1.

i notice the smallest gestures and give them meaning because when you love every little thing has such meaning, even if it doesn’t. everything that’s seasoned with romance i psychotically assume that you intended for me. i want your love that badly. i thought my heart was wide open like the sky but you broke it open to another stratosphere, so light pours forth from a world within me that was not born until you arrived.

when i think of you i shine a bit brighter. when you’re near i radiate something undefinably magical that draws you closer. i am unlocked. unprotected. raw. emotionally naked. there is no space between us because you are within me, reverberating your rhythm in the fabric of my heart. you have penetrated my origin. i hope i’m surprised with the outcome of this journey. we lost the map. intuition our GPS.

you said,”I don’t want to just fuck you, I want to make love to you.” and you meant it. your touch is not a want any more, it’s a need. like food, water, shelter. energy unparalleled. we could solve the world’s energy crisis if it could be contained. multidimensional. metaphysical. tender then rough then tender. our love making dynamics. catastrophic tension. polyrhythmic acrobatics. i spill my womanhood around you unintentionally.

i’ve never wanted to kiss someone so badly.

i accidentally profess my love for you and propose to you when i’m drunk. i don’t do that.

i said, “sometimes I think I’m in love with you.” you said, “If things were different, you would be the only girl in my world.” “if things were different, i would’ve taken you away.” “there are so many things i want to say but can’t.” “you’re the sexiest b*tch of all time.” “i love the way your mind works.” “you have a big ass heart.” “you’re everything a perfect woman should be.” “i want to be with you.” “it feels like you’re my girl.” “of course.” “i can’t do this.” “i fucking love the way you…” “you deserve to be ecstatically happy.”

you deserve to be ecstatically happy.

you look at me like you’re in love with me. we look at each other as if we have fallen in love over and over and over again, many lifetimes. bonnie and clyde adventures. legendary love. this is messy. like molasses. but not as slow. we are hidden. made to flourish in shadows. no room to breathe except in my imagination. the lies cut me. you tell me to express my truth through action. but i’m stuck in the mud. silently choked by my best friend. heart divided. i doubt myself. i reassure myself. gotta find myself. fuck. why does it have to cut so close? karmic meaning? healing? breaking patterns. this is reoccurring, i know it’s real. i know you’re real. i know we’re real. this can’t be a dream? my heart has had physical pain from being silenced. but then i hear your voice and all feels right in the world. you give me peace. i just have to hear your voice. i just have to see you. but i can’t.

passion.

honesty.

integrity.

truth.

love.

we make plans. to me they’re not a dream. to me they are possible. st. lucia. a tour. a christmas picnic. you listen. you remember. you connect. you are meaningful. you find meaning in ways that inspire me. maybe you’re the one. maybe you’ll never get complacent. damn how did we get this far? we are insane. we have created patterns. i have written love letters only to have them self-destruct. i want something tangible. my memory unfortunately faulty. how can we come to the light? how can we handle all with care? we analyze. we conclude. we re-analzye. we over analyze. maybe we just want to talk to each other? ha! we laugh. we can be silly. we can be so fun. i just wanna play with you. i just wanna smile with you. i just want to dance with you. i just want to be myself with you and you be yourself with me. i just want to drink with you. i just want to make love with you. i just want to cook with you. i just want to read with you. i just want to explore with you. i just want to fuck you, suck you, make you come. i just want to be free with you. 

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