Tag Archives: love


Looked in the mirror today. Not like I usually do. I looked deeper. I forgot that I was beautiful. I miss the way u used to look at me. U drank me in. I felt like a queen. U took your time. Bobby Womack would’ve been proud. I light candles with prayers that your words and actions will dance a dance that would make my abuela proud. I have given everything. Destroyed and created universes. My heart has learned to replenish itself with cloaks of faith that bleed out indifference. A birthday card from a year and a half ago, in the drawer beside my bed…wonder if well have that sexcation. I have revirginized myself for you. U used to clown men who don’t put in WORK and now you’re collecting unemployment checks. I have placed myself on your alter time and time again. I have done everything in the power of my minds eye. I have changed my thermostat to happiness only please. I read to expand. I own my shit. I know my flaws. I work to grow this garden of mine. This garden of magnificent dreams. Dreams that you have helped design. I have diminished my shine unwillingly. I still see u. Beneath the layers of this. I have developed super hero powers to see thru the walls you’ve put between us. Ive cut through the jungle of our past with a razor sharp machete only to come face to face with a ghost of nonchalance. I’ve painted my skin every color of gold at the chance that you would engulf yourself in me once again. antique with cracks. Vibrant as the summer sun yet you seem to be more intrigued by winter. Maybe its cause of your 90s jacket that you love to wear. I’ve lost my mind. I’m going to let Salem Moqueca put a leash on me and walk me around the park. I want to bury myself in the sands of time and awaken reborn into to a world where you show me the LOVE that I know is within you. Bliss permeating every cell. Remember that? Conversations must be had with rainbows in our mouths, COURAGE IN OUR HEARTS, and ruby encrusted shoes. There’s no place like home. My hearts a gypsy but not by choice, knocking at your door, looking for an open room for for rest, for peace, for acceptance, for solidity, for nourishment. Suffering from malnutrition but it still beats strong. Another continent, 3 times zones, and 4 days without your voice yet that’s still not enough…….. space. Thought of moving to another galaxy, maybe that would suffice. I ask if you miss me. That upsets u! U feel pressure from me being on the love tip. Yet you say you love me. That you have never loved a woman as much as you love me. Should I be silent? Should I keep it surface? Should I dim the truth of who I am!? A soul, a woman who expresses and needs love as I do air and music and dance and laughter and freedom and joy. I’m singing your song and I can’t find the pocket. No matter how hard I try. You keep switching up the time on me. There’s no metronome to meet this madness. We need a miracle. Only God can heal this.


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A Love Story. Part 2.

She kept his side of the bed open as if he might return. Made coffee every morning just as he instructed. Strong / solid / delicious. Enough for two. Listen for the change of pitch in the grinder. 2 teaspoons of ground coffee per cup in the french press. a tiny bit of coconut oil. 2 and half teaspoons of coconut sugar per cup… She dreamt of him. Cried for him. Coated her love for him in hatred. Drunk or praying, acting a fool or lighting candles. Went to 3 healers, 1 psychic, started A Course in Miracles, kundalini on Mondays. Singing would make the pain fade, transmute from gray to gold, to black then blue. Music her savior. How high is too high for an energetic fence? He wanted to build a fortress around her. To protect or to own?  Yet he wouldn’t claim what was his. He called her his queen but for his queen he would not fight. She doubted her worth only to find it again only to doubt it again. A shadow of a once phenomenal woman. Though she’s lost, she’s more than what they know. Multifaceted feminine energy. Complex nuances devoured mindlessly. Vulnerability. Cut wide open.  Even friends can claim you as pray in a tender moment. STOP.  He apologized later. Doesn’t make it right. It’s a shame you cannot unfuck someone. Then there was a sweetheart, teddy bear made her smile when she was drowning. Should’ve kept it on the homie tip just riding bikes and laughing, doing karaoke. It was just so nice to have someone CLAIM her, be proud of her, want to be around her all the time. But nothing healed the ache. Nothing would erase him. If it weren’t for the Earth angels/ sisters/ girlfriends / heroes she might never have gotten up off the floor.. I feel ill. This has gotten ugly. I can’t blot out the things you’ve said. Your lenses don’t allow you to see my light. Partner or servant? Why do you withhold? Made to feel less than… I’m your whore that you no longer engage. Eternal rejection. I’m put on pause until it’s convenient for you to acknowledge. This is no life. This is not the love I dreamed of.


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My definition of love

We believe in each other. Encourage, Inspire, Appreciate, Rediscover each other. Always growing. Complacency is outlawed. There are no secrets except the ones we share. He amplifies my light. He radiates currents of love. Balance of giving and receiving. In sickness and health. Poverty and wealth. Happiness and sadness. We comfort. We adjust. We take care of each other. Sacrifice. Patience. Forgiveness. Accountability. Kindness. No one looks to the depths of me the way he does. Unparalleled PASSION. We dance. We sing. We play. We share. We party. We go on adventures. We are fearless. We know. We trust. We communicate. We give. We feel. We pray. We learn. We stay true who we are and to each other. We are telepathically energetically connected. I only think of him when I reach the highest point. We are magnets. We share family. We create a family. When we’re lost we we help each other find our way. We have a purpose. We are connected in ways we don’t even comprehend…. #SoftGlow


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Ayahuasca Journey #2 Broken Open

A month ago, I had the most difficult yet most rewarding day of my life.  I feel spiritually TRANSFORMED. It’s almost impossible to articulate the depth of this experience but I have to try to share with the World my new understanding and deep respect for the divine medicine that is Ayahuasca. For those of you that don’t know what Ayahuasca is, it is created from the vines and leaves of sacred plants from the Amazon. It was discovered by natives and used to heal and to teach. If you’re interested, there are many documentaries that attempt to explain the limitless gifts of this sacred plant but truly everyone’s experience is unique.

My first time doing ayahuasca was several years ago and though I grew from the experience, my second experience was infinitely more powerful. This time I set a STRONG intention…

To let go of the past and beliefs/ideas/relationships that do not attribute to my highest good, to explore other dimensions, to attain greater understanding of self and the Divine, to fully open myself to the teachings of the sacred plants. I especially wanted to release the pain from the relationship with my father, which has at times consumed me.

I shared this experience with my love and his mother through the Santo Daime, a spiritual practice originating in Brazil (that is a beautiful conglomeration of Indigenous, African, and Christian teachings). The ayahuasca, referred to as Daime, is drunk as part of the ceremony and the “work” begins. During this work we sang hymns (all in Portuguese) and danced (very basic choreography). The hymns are channeled and sang in a particular order to teach you specific things at a specific time in your journey. The music acts as the energetic conduit from our world to the divine world. The experience would be very different without the music. It aids you on your journey.

After the first drink of the bitter libation, I felt euphoric and confident. I felt joy and bliss and intense energy. For some reason, I kept getting a message over and over from an unknown force that I need to write a book!!! Interesting. The experience was feeling so easy (at first), that I became a bit arrogant actually, which is funny to me now. I thought, “I got this.” “I’m a yogi.” In all honesty, my yoga training did prepare me for this journey. I wouldn’t have gone to the depths I did without my understanding of yoga and I wouldn’t have known how to balance my energy, when “the work” as they call it became difficult, which I did with breathing and grounding myself and with my understanding of energy that yoga has given me. The first drink inspired within me into such a blissful, light, pure feeling.

With the second intake of this magic elixir, I became engulfed in the depths of hell. Imagine every horribly scary movie you’ve seen and image you’ve imagined… combined with the most angry/violent/negative music you’ve ever heard… and blend those images and those sounds and feelings created… and then multiply that by 1,000… I was consumed in a cold, dark, heaviness with no exit. I couldn’t see the lyrics on the hymn pages. I couldn’t move my feet to do the simplistic dance movement. I had to leave the circle and sit down. Though I refused to go to the resting area because I wanted to stay in the current. I became flooded with doubt and insecurity. Completely open/vulnerable/broken open. I was upset at myself… Why did I do this? Why did I ask to release so much????  Will I survive this? Will I still have my mind in tact? Will I become crazy? Extreme fear rocked me to my core. I looked over at my love as if to say “help me,” but he couldn’t.. men and women are separated on different sides of the room for energetic reasons… but seeing his strength inspired me. I kept feeling waves of despair then hope… I then tapped into my breathing. I grounded my feet. I thought I can withstand this one day of excruciating pain for healing/divine knowledge/understanding/peace… I can do this. It was like many years of therapy in one day. INTENSE doesn’t begin to describe the process.

At one point, my boyfriends mother, Juanita, came over to me because (as she told me later) my face was white and lips were purple. She put her hands on my as if to protect me and helped me stay strong. She was an angel… Later one of the Santo Daime members told me that she saw a dark spirit trying to enter me. We are calling all the spirits and because we are raising the vibration there is a lot of light and the dark spirits are attracted to the light as well. They want to be in the light… Juanita intuitively protected me from the spirit by placing her hand on my back (where spirits attempt to enter). Freaky! I saw such divine compassion and love radiating from Juanita towards me, for which I will be forever grateful.

I saw so clearly the good in others from the daime. I asked this divine knowledge about certain people in my life and got very clear information about some and about others nothing. I guess there is a time for certain revelations. A huge lesson for me was to release JUDGEMENT (about others and myself). People are always judging each other and themselves and it’s detrimental to our well being.

After a brief rest period, the time came for us to drink the 3rd sacrament. I was resistant to taking a 3rd helping of the daime. I felt like I had done enough “work.” But Juanita encouraged me to complete the healing. She told me we partook in the sacrament a certain number of times for a reason. I wanted to respect the process. I realized even more so how we are all one and that it would be almost selfish of me not to take on this universal spiritual cleansing. So I asked for a smaller portion of the daime and proceeded to do the work. This time was challenging (not as challenging as the 2nd drink though). Again I rode the wave of intensity, the middle of the work again being the most challenging, blending with the expression of song, and then the current resided to a peaceful/still/calm. This third drink, I learned to fully SURRENDER. I did throw up which I felt was a true symbolic physical purging of my father and all the deep rooted pain my relationship with him has caused me.

After the work. I felt reborn, FILLED to the brim with profound compassion, love, deep forgiveness, and peace. I slept the best I had in years. The next week it seemed as if I was floating, half on this plane, half in another dimension. Ayahuasca gives you new eyes. My intuition is grander. I can almost see through people…inside of them -their pain/joy/desires/insecurities/their essence. The effect of this gift also impacts those around us in ways I’m still discovering. The energy is that strong.

If you feel the calling to experience the Santo Daime, I encourage you to embark on this adventurous, deep spiritual cleansing in a protected environment while showing gratitude and respect towards the spiritual sacrament. This is not something to be taken lightly. This journey is not to just have some sort of psychedelic experience. This is DIVINE. This is MEDICINE. This is you facing all of your demons. This is the removal of illusion.

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Be a part of my next project: THE SOFT GLOW of ELECTRIC SEX!

I truly want to share the gift of music to INSPIRE and empower others and by contributing to this project you will be a part of a positive musical movement!

My music is eclectic soul (soul with other genres mixed in). This EP is an exploration of sexuality (the erotic, the spiritually divine connection, the emotional love aspects, there’s even a little bit of social commentary woven within the songs). We’re getting deep with it (no put intended)! I’m very excited because I have a brilliant musical family and we’re collaborating to bring you something truly magical.

The name of the project is called, THE SOFT GLOW OF ELECTRIC SEX… I got the idea for the title of the EP from a movie called The Christmas Story, perhaps you remember the scene when Ralphie is mesmerized by the “soft glow of electric sex” emitted by the leg lamp his father won? I love the duality of the title, so erotic yet at the same time it’s so silly cause it’s inspired by a holiday classic film.

Your generosity goes towards my funktastic band, production, studio time, mixing, mastering, and hopefully well go over the goal and have additional funding for marketing, publicity, touring etc. By contributing to The Soft Glow of Electric Sex, you can receive some truly unique, fabulous, fun, and wonderful gifts: and you will be a part of a musical revolution (music that makes you feel, and think, and move)!

Yay for dreams coming true! Mine and yours! Immense love and gratitude your way!

Click on the link below and be a part of The Soft Glow of Electric Sex!


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2 universes

2 universes collide and they become one

taught each other to sing in their native tounges

love transcension beyond galaxies and outer space

the rings of his planet held her in place

he said i love every molecule of you

even your imperfections cause baby that’s your truth

she said with you i feel infinite

now i’m seeing in colors that before didn’t exist

now everything is more beautiful

cause this entanglement is multidimensional

their love challenged the world’s perception,

innovated love’s metaphysical expression,

he spoke to her in melodies and rhythm

and she’d blanket herself warm and deep within them


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