Tag Archives: prayer


Looked in the mirror today. Not like I usually do. I looked deeper. I forgot that I was beautiful. I miss the way u used to look at me. U drank me in. I felt like a queen. U took your time. Bobby Womack would’ve been proud. I light candles with prayers that your words and actions will dance a dance that would make my abuela proud. I have given everything. Destroyed and created universes. My heart has learned to replenish itself with cloaks of faith that bleed out indifference. A birthday card from a year and a half ago, in the drawer beside my bed…wonder if well have that sexcation. I have revirginized myself for you. U used to clown men who don’t put in WORK and now you’re collecting unemployment checks. I have placed myself on your alter time and time again. I have done everything in the power of my minds eye. I have changed my thermostat to happiness only please. I read to expand. I own my shit. I know my flaws. I work to grow this garden of mine. This garden of magnificent dreams. Dreams that you have helped design. I have diminished my shine unwillingly. I still see u. Beneath the layers of this. I have developed super hero powers to see thru the walls you’ve put between us. Ive cut through the jungle of our past with a razor sharp machete only to come face to face with a ghost of nonchalance. I’ve painted my skin every color of gold at the chance that you would engulf yourself in me once again. antique with cracks. Vibrant as the summer sun yet you seem to be more intrigued by winter. Maybe its cause of your 90s jacket that you love to wear. I’ve lost my mind. I’m going to let Salem Moqueca put a leash on me and walk me around the park. I want to bury myself in the sands of time and awaken reborn into to a world where you show me the LOVE that I know is within you. Bliss permeating every cell. Remember that? Conversations must be had with rainbows in our mouths, COURAGE IN OUR HEARTS, and ruby encrusted shoes. There’s no place like home. My hearts a gypsy but not by choice, knocking at your door, looking for an open room for for rest, for peace, for acceptance, for solidity, for nourishment. Suffering from malnutrition but it still beats strong. Another continent, 3 times zones, and 4 days without your voice yet that’s still not enough…….. space. Thought of moving to another galaxy, maybe that would suffice. I ask if you miss me. That upsets u! U feel pressure from me being on the love tip. Yet you say you love me. That you have never loved a woman as much as you love me. Should I be silent? Should I keep it surface? Should I dim the truth of who I am!? A soul, a woman who expresses and needs love as I do air and music and dance and laughter and freedom and joy. I’m singing your song and I can’t find the pocket. No matter how hard I try. You keep switching up the time on me. There’s no metronome to meet this madness. We need a miracle. Only God can heal this.


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DIVINE order

We can only see so much from where we sit in our particular bodies, in the midst of our particular lives, rooted as we are in the continuum of space and time. The divine, on the other hand, is not limited to the constructs of either space or time, and its wisdom and workings often elude us as we try to make sense of what is happening in our lives. This is why things are not always what they seem to be and even the best-laid plans are sometimes overturned. Even when we feel we have been guided by our intuition every step of the way, we may find ourselves facing unexpected loss and disappointment. At times like these, we can find some solace in trusting that no matter how bad or just plain inexplicable things look from our perspective, they are, in fact, in divine order.

Even as we take our places in this earthly realm, a part of us remains completely free of the confines we face here. Regardless of what is happening in our lives, this part of us remains infused with joy and gratitude, connected to the unbroken source from which we come. Our small self, on the other hand, who is caught up in our false identity as a being limited in space and time, regards happiness as the result of things going the way it wants them to go. It is this part of us that suffers the greatest confusion and upset when the logic of events does not compute. And it is to this self that we must extend unconditional love, forgiveness, and compassion. In order to do this, we tap into our inner divinity, holding the space of a tender authority, extending love and light to our ego as a mother extends her love to a troubled child.

There are many ways to access our inner divinity—meditation, prayer, chanting, channeling, and conscious breathing, to name a few. It is helpful to develop a regular practice that provides us access to this all-powerful, healing presence, as it can be difficult to reach once we are in a stressful position, if we have not already established a connection. The more connected we are with this part of ourselves, the more we share its unlimited vision and the secure, knowing that all the things of our life, no matter how they appear, are in a state of divine and perfect order.

It’s all happening perfectly.

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2009 like wine u got better with time…

when i think of how this year developed i am amazed! it was a year of spiritual rebirth, of bringing creation into the world. a year of such growth…. i started the year living with my boyfriend in his mother’s garage in van nuys.  i remember waking up to the mechanics next door working on cars loudly, the fumes permeating the room, we would huddle together freezing (even with the floor heater and blankets)…the engines and drills would begin around 7 am and we had just gone to bed 3 hours prior from working on the album- which at the time felt would NEVER get finished.  i remember the borracho neighbor (who started drinking in the morning) and would put this horrible song on repeat as loud as his stereo could go… one day i got out of bed and walked into his garage (he wasn’t there yet he had left the song on) and turned it down myself.  i just didn’t give a fuck anymore! i felt stuck, stagnant in my environment. eeeiiii dios! i could go on… but how the year transitioned!!!!! how i transcended!  the affirmations, the prayer, my manifestation group, the love energy i gave brought about so many beautiful manifestations!  my debut album was released in july – M. U. S. I. C. (Magnificent Unique Sexy Intelligent Creativity) dre and i put together a phenomenal band, seriously ridiculously gifted musicians who are family. i am beyond grateful for them! we’ve had incredible shows that keep growing in connection, musicianship, inventiveness, passion and energy! we moved to an absolutely beautiful home of our own that i can’t help but feel continuous intense gratitude for. i love love love it! i feel like i’ve developed and spiritually deeped my friendships and relationships with my family. i’m understanding them and myself in new ways.  i feel so blessed to be connecting to such amazing souls through my blog.  this year was filled with so many challenges and blessings! it was my coming out year musically. and i cannot undo what i’ve done. i cannot go back to life without creation, artistic growth, and self-expression. i had been waiting for this my whole life!!! and it’s happening! and it’s happening for a reason as i know i’m meant to give love and inspiration through music. it always amazes me how everything can change so quickly. how we can be in such a dark place and then soon find the light.


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divine health, freedom in music, response-ability

i feel as though i’ve deeply neglected u dear blog… and i apologize… i was knocked the —- out… i had to do 2 shows (one on my death bed) and i transcended… i set the intention and became  a vessel of love! the performance was an act of fearlessness i must say!! yay! through  prayer (one Christian prayer given by my dear friend oshana that brought me to tears and one jewish blessing given by husband jered in beautiful hebrew)/through affirmations/through herbs/through whole food’s wellness formula, through sea salt baths/through thyme tea/etc/etc…i now embody divine health!!! which lead me to last night’s performance @ harvelle’s which was very off the cuff with some super gifted musicans…and it was so freeing to sing with musicians that are so sensitive, communicative, innovative, and solid… sooooooo much fun! i felt elated and so at home. i’m growing and it feels goooooood!!!! 🙂 i loved the exploration, the improvisation… i love that feeling of freedom in music! que rico!

on another note, the current book i’m reading, the 7 habits of highly effective people, brought up something for me… which has inspired me to take on a new challenge for the month of december that will hopefully turn into a habit…i aim to take full responsibility for my reactions to the challenges that arise in my life… the book brings up that we cannot control what happens in our lives but we can control how we react to what happens to us…(and in this ability to choose how we respond- lies our responsibility or response-ability)…. i’m becoming increasingly conscious of my response-ability… here’s a great quote to remind us of how we determine our happiness by how we react to what challenges arise in our lives….”the fountain of content must spring up in the mind, and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition, will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief he proposes to remove.” samuel johnson… mmmmm yes. more soon….

photo by megan finley, makeup/hair  by tawney bevacqua, styled by michele chantel, retouching josh kohlmeier

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